🌐 Justin's Blog

You're not required to like everyone, all the time.

It's okay not to like someone. No need to beat yourself up about it.

It is under very rare circumstances that I don’t like someone, so when it happens I often think that there is a problem with me rather than the other person.

At least that’s what I thought in my 20s.

I would even go out of my way to be around that person more in hopes that I would understand where I was at fault. Maybe there was something I was missing?

Perhaps you feel that way too. You meet someone and something just doesn't sit right with you, and you have a hard time pinpointing what it is exactly.

Now that I’m a little grayer, I’ve actually learned to trust my intuition. Some people I just don’t mesh with. It doesn’t mean I’m rude to them. I always show respect. I just choose to limit my interaction with them and spend my time with others.

They are not bad people. I just know very much who I am and where my personality, values, and life outlook may clash with someone else.

I like most people, but not everyone. And not everyone will like me. And that’s okay.

#happiness

Recently, I have been thinking more about web privacy and what it means to me. In short, I'm tired of being “spied on” all the time by websites so that they can send me creepy advertisements.

As I reflect on this, I am keenly aware that I am over my head into the data distribution ecosystem.

Every day I use Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, iPhone, Google Chrome, Google Fi, and Google Fiber. My life is very much intertwined with these services. Honestly, I'm not sure how to disconnect but still enjoy the benefits that these offer. I guess it's a question of benefit versus cost that I am still trying to determine.

But while I am still working on ways to become a little more anonymous in my personal life, I think about my involvement on the “other” side.

So, I have my personal website: JustinFerriman.com.

Today I went through and removed anything that would “spy” on someone who visits, and then I updated the privacy policy to reflect these changes. The result is probably the shortest privacy policy on the internet.

If you sign up to receive my weekly newsletter, then you can opt out at any time (naturally).

I plan to look at other areas of my personal and professional life to see where I can further respect the privacy of others, as well as defend my privacy. It's a big undertaking, and one that will come with sacrifice, for sure – but I'm sure it's worth it in the end.

#personal

How many times have you heard someone say that they would start a business, but just don’t have the time?

Or that they could get into better shape but simply don’t have time to exercise?

Or that they really want to hang out with you, but they have been super busy lately and just don’t have enough free time?

People who say things like this believe they are out of control of their circumstances. Life happens to them, and they just try to “stay afloat” with the obligations first and then when they have extra time (and only then) will they accomplish their “other” main goals.

I don't believe that for a second.

For starters, there is no such thing as “extra time”. There is time and then there is what we do in that time. Nothing more.

Logically speaking, we can only do something in the time we are awake. So, if you are in fact busy from the very moment you wake up to the very moment you sleep, then wake up an hour earlier every day. There ya go. Like magic, you have time to do that special project, to do that exercise routine, learn that new language, or whatever it is you want! 🙂

Of course, the more fundamental issue here is not the quantity of time, but the qualifying of it. People tend to think of their obligations first and then all the “other” stuff.

The thing is, we have a choice as to what we make our obligation. Life is full of choices. Even happiness is a choice.

If you have been wanting to start a new business but haven't yet, perhaps you should look at why you are choosing not to. Or if you want to lose 10 pounds but haven't yet, ask yourself why you haven't. The answer is never “because I don't have time”.

Perhaps you fear what others will think of you if you try to do something and you “fail”, or maybe you don’t have the confidence. Maybe you are confused where to start. Maybe you actually don’t want to start something, but it sounds like a cool thing to say to people.

Or, maybe you will start that special project. Only time will tell. 😉

#happiness

The surest way to piss me off is to insinuate that I need to spend my time a certain way.

First, the amount of ego in such a request is astounding. It’s like telling someone they are wrong for spending their money on something, but worse. We can always get more money, not true with time.

When someone implies that my time has correct and incorrect uses, I flip out. I’ll do the opposite of what is being asked just to prove that I am the master of the oh so little amount of time I have in this world.

You’ve been warned. ☝️

#personal

The fitness industry has a secret that it does not want you to know. Well, I am about to tell you!

I love the fitness industry. In fact, one day Lorena and I plan on having a health & fitness related business in some capacity.

But the industry has a secret. Well, not really a secret, but something that is conveniently ignored. No matter which workout program you like best, they all rely upon one critical factor for success: consistency.

If you consistency do a physical activity then you will lose weight and/or gain muscle. That's not rocket science. I think deep down we all know that.

The difficult part of fitness is the other side of the equation: food.

For years I have worked out, my entire life in fact. My diet rarely changed though. So, what I ate in my 20s I tried to eat in my 30s. It didn't work. I gained weight. I looked okay, but every metric would say I was overweight.

The big change for me was when I stopped drinking alcohol. All those empty calories were gone and so too the crap food that I would eat when drinking. Not surprisingly, I lost weight. My muscles became more defined. I had more energy. I saw the desired results.

I think humans like to overcomplicate things. We gravitate towards complex explanations and reasoning because accepting the simplest answer just doesn't feel right sometimes. The simple answer to fitness is this: do physical activity every day (doesn't have to be strenuous), and don't eat like shit.

That's really all there is to it!

#health

It's official: I am married to the love that I've been searching for my entire life, Lorena.

Lorena is incredible. She's intelligent, loving, supportive, and deeply committed to those that she cares about. Every day I pinch myself wondering how I got so lucky.

As I reflect on my happiness, I am keenly aware that my life didn't go according to the traditional plan, and what a blessing that has been.

My path was a little more winding. There were deadends and detours. But in the end I arrived to where I am today. A little wiser, and far more grounded.

I have learned to live life rather than life living me.

And now I am ready to live life with my beautiful wife.

#personal

In one week, Lorena and I get married!

All the tasks have been completed (minus one or two minor things) so the focus is entirely on preparing for family to come into town. I have excited nerves now, whereas before I was focused on just getting things done.

The enormity of this life event is not lost on me, and I plan to embrace every little second of it.

#personal

I have been to Vegas a few times in my life. It's not for me. I always say that the city feels like one giant ocean cruise ship – and well – I don't like cruises.

But other people like Vegas, so I find myself in the city regardless of how I feel about it. 🙂

This weekend Lorena and I are going to Vegas to attend the wedding of her brother-in-law's brother. It was nice of them to invite us (we've only briefly met once on Zoom). It worked out on the calendar so away we go!

I am excited to have a “normal” event again. You know, the pre-COVID things that people used to do. This is a new thing for me and Lorena as a couple. We had all kinds of plans to go to different concerts and other activities in our early dating days, and obviously those were put on hold due to the pandemic. Now that we are vaccinated and the country is slowly opening up, we get the chance to do these activities as a couple.

Lorena's family will be in attendance, so it will be nice to see them as usual. While the trip is a quick one, we will see everyone again for our own wedding at the end of the month!

#personal

I am becoming too productive, and it’s giving me anxiety.

In business, making lists is a good way to keep you accountable. They can help you be more productive. They assist in making sure you have your priorities straight and are working towards the right things. Overall, you’ll reach your targets with a well thought-out list.

Using lists is also how we can see positive movement in a business. This is especially true when you are just starting out, before any revenue is earned. That movement feels good. It keeps us fueled and moving forward, and we all love to check tasks off a big list.

I think lists are great for business, but when it comes to my personal life, it’s a little different. I have found that living from one to-do list to the other is a sure way to miss the moment.

Look, I am not one to write self-help advice and I promise that I am not going to start now.

I have just found myself reflecting on my current life (something I like to do) and evaluating whether I am living my life or if my life is living me. And lately it has felt like the latter.

A lot has been going on for me personally, and when professional aspirations and personal goals get overwhelming, I create lists to stay organized.

I have been living in my lists for about eight months straight now. Completing one and moving onto the other. At this point, it’s not even satisifying to finish a list, it’s just part of my standard routine.

I am becoming too productive, and it’s giving me anxiety.

Weird thing to say, right?

But it’s true, at least for me.

Over the past eight months I have been crushing tasks. Getting things done and Moving onto the next. Knocking that out. Rinse and repeat. I have been a machine marching forward.

And you know what? All this productivity is resulting in some pretty great outcomes. Business is more profitable than ever. Personal relationships are getting stronger. Life is becoming more colorful.

So I know what you’re thinking… all this sounds pretty great!

It is. It is great.

But I cannot deny that this pace of life is taking its toll on me. This outcome oriented outlook is causing me to miss the moment. This “get it done and move onto the next thing” approach is too mechanical for me. I can’t sustain it.

That is what causes me anxiety. I am in the habit of productivity and that’s not a good thing.

Anytime you have a habit, it means that you do something automatically. You don’t have to think. You don’t have to be present. It just happens because you’re used to making it happen. You’re able to switch onto autopilot. This is good for a little while, but I don’t want to be on autopilot throughout my life.

I have a few more lists to go, then I’m stopping.

The reality is that I have a few lists still on my plate, but they are getting close to being completed. As I finish them out, I am refusing to add more lists wherever possible.

I am not grasping the moment like I normally do. That gives me pause. Time is the most valuable asset that we have and I am not appreciating it nor experiencing it fully – and I blame these lists!

So, once I knock out these remaining items then I plan to just “be” for a little bit. For me, that means:

• Removing self-imposed sense of urgency on non-urgent tasks.
• Not planning a bunch of near-future events.
• Exploring my home city and surrounding area.
• Studying Spanish.
• Exercising daily.

I have a habit of making everything feel urgent – like it needs to get done as soon as possible or it will never be “as good” as it possibly can be. I suspect that’s how I am able to get anything done. By removing that self-imposed urgency (or, dialing it down), I will remove that tendancy to always be looking towards “the next thing” to do.

Avoiding any near-future event planning will help with removing that sense of urgency too. For me, when I plan an event that is 30-45 days out, it weighs on my mind and I start to go through that list process all over again. Be it for filing taxes or planning travel, it will occupy headspace until it’s done and dusted.

I think it’s best to not be traveling during this time so that I’ll have time to explore my new city with my fiancé Lorena. I like that. I need to get a better sense of where I live so I can appreciate the people and places.

But not everything will be about exploring the local area. I do have personal, self-improvement goals that I will dedicate some time to as well. Things like studying Spanish and exercising. I do these activities anyway, but lately it feels like I “make time for them” and that prevents me from fully enjoying the time spent.

A solid month or more of following this strict approach is enough to get me centered and to calm my mind before jumping into the next major projects of life and business.

If you got this far, here is what it all means…

I am not going to recommend you do exactly what I am doing. That feels a little egotistical. You are a unique person with your own life outlook. What works for me might not work for you.

But there is one key takeaway from this self-reflection that I wish to share.

My prescription may not be for you, but the underlying motivator is applicable for anyone. To be happy, you need to live the time you are given.

To do this you need to be present in the moment. Check-in with yourself. Analyze how you are feeling as you are feeling it. If life feels like it has been a bit of a blur lately, then you need to make a change – even if temporary – to gain a little control & perspective.

Trust me, you will feel more fulfilled.

#personal

I have never been to Dallas, but that's about to change!

This weekend I'll be heading to Dallas to visit Lorena's cousin to celebrate the birthday of their son.

This also marks the first time that I'll be meeting Lorena's extended family. During COVID this has not been possible. We've been able to get together with our parents and siblings, but that's about it. Around the holidays I was able to meet some of them on Zoom, but I think we all can agree that Zoom can be a little impersonal.

Lorena's extended family is HUGE (especially compared to mine). I really look forward to meeting all of them over the coming years. In some ways it feels like I am being “initiated” into the family, and I like it! 😄

#personal