mindfulness — 🌐 Justin's Blog

Finding Freedom in Silence

November 27, 2024

I've been trying to find peace of mind, and to me, that means silence.

I write this on a foggy morning in California. I can't see past the end of my backyard, the fog is so thick. There are no lights, just the soft glow of the sun slowly illuminating the day.

It's peaceful. It's quiet. And for the first time in a long time, my mind is at ease as well. At least at this moment.

For much of my life, I've been at the whim of my thoughts. Whether positive or negative, my thoughts were uncontrollable — especially as a younger man.

But as I progressed into my 30s, I began to work more on my cognitive fortitude. That is, thinking about the way I was thinking. Some major life events forced this upon me, and if I'm honest, I couldn't have done it alone. I spent hours speaking to therapists, journaling, and learning to be my own advocate. I cried, laughed, commiserated, and celebrated.

Control The Controllables

On the cusp of 40 now, I'm learning more about how I think, and more importantly, how to quiet my mind. Mindfulness exercises help, but it's not just during these specific times. I've been slowly learning to adjust my perspective.

Much of my stress and pain comes from thinking too much about the past or future. Two places that don't exist, but the pain is real. Like many people, I try to think through all possible scenarios of what might happen, and then my reaction to each of them.

This thought process takes its toll. Yes, it's good to be prepared, but this kind of thinking is subject to catastrophic thinking and continuous rumination.

So, I've made a shift. I think about what is controllable, and I focus on that. In most cases, this means focusing on my reaction and feelings at the moment. I have no control over what “might happen”, but all the control over my reaction right here, right now.

Forced to be Present

The byproduct of focusing on my reaction and living is the moment is that I am more mentally present. I don't ruminate on the past as much anymore, instead using it as a teacher for how to control my reactions in the day I am living.

Tomorrow is not promised. All that exists is the here and now. I am finding peace of mind by embracing that instead of thinking about a future that may never come to pass.

Rejecting Negativity

Our minds have a way of hyper-focusing on negativity. It's a survival instinct that must be overridden. When I find myself stressed, I become aware of negative thoughts cycling through my head. These then cause more stress, and more negative thoughts — an unfortunate snowball effect.

I'm learning to reject our inherently human negativity bias. It's not easy, and I'm not perfect, but I'm getting better at it. I accomplish this through logic and grounding.

Negative thoughts and feelings are emotion-based, and as such, logic has a calming effect. If I have swirling negative thoughts, I think about the advice that I would give to a friend if I were helping them through it. This separates me from the emotions. It allows space for logic to really “land”.

But the other part of this is to be in a place where the logic can stick, and I do that by grounding myself with mindfulness techniques. Simply closing my eyes and focusing on my breath forces me into the present moment and out of my emotions.

Evolution, Not a Destination

I'm evolving in my journey to achieve a silent mind and inner peace. There will never be a time when I feel that I've obtained it because evolution doesn't have an end, because that's not the goal of evolution.

Evolution is about adaptation to the environment. My environment will change over the years, and I'll continue to evolve to not only survive, but to ultimately thrive in the place where I exist, at that moment.

#mindfulness

Control and Trust

November 2, 2024

Let go of the idea of being in control, and trust that all will be okay.

Trusting a process is hard to do because it often means that you have to give up control, but in reality, it means giving up perceived control. The truth is that we aren't in control of much. When we feel like we are, we are more at ease, but I am beginning to learn that the opposite is true: we are never in control.

When we let go of control, we can finally rest. The mind has to work hard to pretend to be in control. It thinks through all possible scenarios over and over, then determines what your reaction should be to all these scenarios, and then how you should feel about them. Real feelings. Fake events.

Instead, I think it's better to:

Trust in your instincts.
Trust in the uncontrollable.
Trust in your future self's ability.

The human ego is so enormous that we think we can not only control potential outcomes, but that we can also predict the future. I've been reflecting on this lately, and in doing so, I have come to realize that quieting my mind is not a matter of making sure everything is “under control”, but instead it's about stopping an inherent desire to control everything.

Making this mindset shift is incredibly difficult, but necessary if you want to realize a true inner calm in your daily life. I implore you to surrender yourself to the unknown, and to also trust in yourself. Invite peace into your life — you're the only one who can give yourself permission.

#mindfulness

Higher Self

October 18, 2024

Trying to calm my internal noise to live in the moment. I find that this is way easier said than done.

I'm working towards my higher self, but what that is, I don't know. What I do know is that to get there, I need to surrender and let go, but this is something I am still having difficulty doing.

I am trying to release myself from any burden of my past or present. To stop trying to control every scenario and “practice” through every possible outcome for the events happening in my life. I'm learning to surrender to the notion that I am actually not in control, nor do I need to be. And that is okay. That is freedom.

I know all of this in theory, but putting it into practice is a back and forth battle with my own psyche. At times, I'll get a glimpse of the lightness of letting go, but only a few hours later, I'm back into the swirl of my thinking.

Silence, Peace, and Freedom

This road to my higher self, whatever it is, is worth it — oh, but it's so hard. How do you let go of ego? Or of pride? How do I just accept what is, and feel lighter?

Life doesn't come with a manual, and there are about ten thousand ways to pursue happiness. Every creed and culture has its recommendation. What I am striving for, instead, is silence. Silence is peace, and peace is freedom.

A quiet mind is a virtue, and I don't have it. I'll be sitting and then, BAM, a new thought comes into my consciousness. Maybe it's positive, or perhaps negative, but it's outside my control. It's noise. I'm on a journey to calm this noise to essentially nothing. To just be, and to be okay.

Daily mindfulness is helping.

To achieve the silence, peace, and freedom, I'm trying guided daily mindfulness exercises from a YouTube channel. I typically do them around 7PM every night for about 10–15 minutes, depending on the video.

After these short sessions, my mind feels more at ease. I have a sense of calmness, and sometimes I get inspired. Like today, I was inspired to write this post.

Daily walks are helping, too (sometimes).

I also walk every day, sometimes twice a day, to get some fresh air and reflect. This gives me an opportunity to quiet my mind, but there are times when I also overthink or get lost in thought.

Rumination and catastrophic thinking can creep in during these alone times. It's human nature. I need to be more intentional with my walk. Centered, and exist in the present moment. I'll be practicing that.

Centered Self, Not Self-Centered

I'm working on being centered, because if I can be centered, I can better lean into my higher self.

A quiet mind, in the present moment, will make it possible to listen with a true intent. But I'm in the constant battle of finding the solutions to my life's daily questions. I'm self-centered instead of just centering myself.

It's a slight shift, but it's about thinking outwardly instead of inward. Most people tend to think inward, almost all the time, and almost always in hypotheticals. For instance, I try to predict the future, then predict my reactions to the future.

This isn't mindfulness. This is noise. I'm cutting through this noise the best that I can, but it can be difficult. I'm learning that the most important thing is to just be patient during this process. Patience, I'm finding, is a virtue that's difficult to live. Though, it's through this virtue that I find perspective, balance, and moments of being centered.

#mindfulness

How I Deal with Stress

July 9, 2024

When times are tough, this is what I do.

A couple of weeks ago, the plumbing system in our home backed-up. As you can imagine, this was a pretty stressful (and disgusting) time. The plumber came out at 9PM but couldn’t fix anything. So, after I spent an hour cleaning the most impacted areas, Lorena and I had to head off to a hotel for the night.

Over the next few days, we had the plumbers come out to investigate further, a restoration company come to remove affected walls and flooring, and a contractor come to give an estimate on repair work. Oh, and did I mention that we are trying to sell our house? Yeah, it’s off the market as we deal with all of this.

This has been a stressful time for us, no doubt.

Keep Life Small

When these kinds of things happen, I’ve found that I benefit by keeping my life small. What I mean is that I limit my thinking to the present. I don’t think too far into the future, nor about the past. This just brings unnecessary added stress.

By focusing on the present, I make sure all my energy and actions are relevant to the immediate items at hand. In essence, I “wall off” my thoughts from anything else. I have tasks to do in the day, and so I’m just staying in the moment. At the end of the day, I reflect on the day and what I need to get done the next day.

This process can go on for a few days or a couple of weeks. I don’t enjoy it, but it keeps me sane. I’m a dreamer. I like to plan the future, and reflect upon my past experiences. But these things take up energy, and sometimes they can come with emotions that I just don’t have time to deal with. Between that time, I have a few distracting activities (like playing chess), so that I don’t wear myself out.

As time goes on and the major drivers of my stress become, well, less stressful – then I allow myself to expand my thinking gradually until things are back to normal again.

Everyone has their own methods of dealing with stress, so I’d say do whatever works best for you. But if you’re open to new ways of thinking, I can vouch for this approach.

Keep life small.
Don’t think about the past or future, just the day you’re living.
Create checklists so you have a visual of your progress.
Pat yourself on the back for making that progress.

And remember: like everything in life, this is only temporary.

#mindfulness

Beauty in Stillness

June 7, 2022

When I was a kid, my parents enrolled me into sports year-round. In the fall I was playing soccer, winter basketball, spring was baseball and soccer, and in the summer I went to soccer camps.

There was a method to this madness. Truth is, I was a pretty mischievous kid and easily found trouble if my time wasn’t filled (even with all these sports, I still managed to drive my parents crazy 😆).

The sports let me spend my energy productively, and aside from filling my time, I learned about setting goals, how to deal with disappointment, discipline, how to get along with others, how to show respect, and how to follow directions.

I took this same “be busy” attitude into my teenage years and early adulthood. It served me well. But it wasn’t until I was a little older, wiser maybe, that I started to reflect upon this “fill my time” culture and realized that, despite its upsides, it has some pretty troubling downsides as well.

Choose Nothing

Doing nothing and just “being” is a valid, arguably more productive use of time.

Perhaps it’s an American thing, or a Western Culture concept, but it seems like we dislike “idle time”. We fill it with tasks, activities, apps, and projects.

There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these things. Everyone needs something to keep them mentally sharp. But what about those times in your life when you don’t have anything planned?

Instead of filling that time, or stressing about an expectation to do something, what if you left that time empty instead, giving yourself permission to not do anything?

I have learned to do this over the past few months, and while it’s not always easy, I think it has been a net positive for my mental well-being. When I am not thinking about “future land”, I am forced to live in the present. I have the opportunity to appreciate the ones I am with, and to fully capture the little moments. I am fully appreciating the gift of time.

Don’t Make Plans

Have you ever tried not to plan out a day and then to live that day with a present mindset? It’s harder than you think!

Look, I get it, planning our days and weeks makes us feel like we are productive, and feeling productive makes us feel good. I’m not implying that being busy is a bad way to live your life. However, it just can’t be the only way to live.

You may find something else difficult about not making plans for one day: it won’t stop other people from trying to fill your day with plans! This can actually be a little overwhelming, but remember that you are in control of your time. Put up a boundary and stick to it.

Live in the current moment with your “no plan” day. If you’re tired, take a nap. If you’re bored, read a book for a bit. Go for a walk. Get a little exercise if you feel up for it. Finally, spend some time just sitting. Reflect and/or meditate. Just be at peace.

You don’t have to be alone during this time. Enjoy the company of others. Have a meal with friends or family. Play with your kids. Embrace the beauty of living with intention and in the moment.

Most importantly: don’t stress about the future because that isn’t guaranteed anyhow. And don’t dwell on the past because what’s done is done.

Just be present and grateful for the time that you have. You will find that without all of that extra weight on your mind, you will have more energy when you return to your planning ways!

#mindfulness

Time Under Tension

July 19, 2021

Time under tension builds character, but it can also be dangerous. Here is how I deal with stress.

If you have ever lifted weights, then you probably have heard about “time under tension”. The longer your muscles are under tension in an exercise, the more strength you can gain.

But I’m not talking about weight lifting… I’m talking about life. Similar to the gym, time under tension in our lives is good. Instead of muscle, it builds character and perseverance. We find out who we are when we are living out days under tension.

I usually thrive under pressure. That’s not to say that I like it. I don’t. I prefer things to be going smoothly in life, just like anyone. Yet, there are always stressful times and I seem to find a way to rise above it mentally to get things done – whatever that may be.

But sometimes I start to run out of energy. My mental fortitude weakens. The time under tension is too long. If you’re under tension for a long time, it starts to feel normal. But it’s not normal. It’s dangerous.

The Best Medicine

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get into a routine and don’t even realize it, and this includes existing in a stressful state.

I have found that the most effective self-care tactic is to exercise. For me, it’s Muay Thai.

There is something incredibly therapeutic about punching and kicking the crap out of a heavy bag. Maybe it’s the primal aspect of it… “Me angry! Me hit things!”

You don’t have to buy all kinds of fancy fighting gear or join a smelly boxing gym, either. There are some boutique fitness gyms that specialize in boxing and kickboxing. The energy is great, facilities clean, and the workout will leave you feeling better physically and mentally. TITLE Boxing, Kickboxing.com, and CKO Kickboxing come to mind, but your city may have others.

The body and mind are connected. If they aren’t in sync, then that’s when I start to spiral a bit.

Most of the time my mind is taking care of my body, but every so often my body has to take care of my mind to relieve that time under tension.

#mindfulness