🌐 Justin's Blog

Finding Freedom in Silence

November 27, 2024

I've been trying to find peace of mind, and to me, that means silence.

I write this on a foggy morning in California. I can't see past the end of my backyard, the fog is so thick. There are no lights, just the soft glow of the sun slowly illuminating the day.

It's peaceful. It's quiet. And for the first time in a long time, my mind is at ease as well. At least at this moment.

For much of my life, I've been at the whim of my thoughts. Whether positive or negative, my thoughts were uncontrollable — especially as a younger man.

But as I progressed into my 30s, I began to work more on my cognitive fortitude. That is, thinking about the way I was thinking. Some major life events forced this upon me, and if I'm honest, I couldn't have done it alone. I spent hours speaking to therapists, journaling, and learning to be my own advocate. I cried, laughed, commiserated, and celebrated.

Control The Controllables

On the cusp of 40 now, I'm learning more about how I think, and more importantly, how to quiet my mind. Mindfulness exercises help, but it's not just during these specific times. I've been slowly learning to adjust my perspective.

Much of my stress and pain comes from thinking too much about the past or future. Two places that don't exist, but the pain is real. Like many people, I try to think through all possible scenarios of what might happen, and then my reaction to each of them.

This thought process takes its toll. Yes, it's good to be prepared, but this kind of thinking is subject to catastrophic thinking and continuous rumination.

So, I've made a shift. I think about what is controllable, and I focus on that. In most cases, this means focusing on my reaction and feelings at the moment. I have no control over what “might happen”, but all the control over my reaction right here, right now.

Forced to be Present

The byproduct of focusing on my reaction and living is the moment is that I am more mentally present. I don't ruminate on the past as much anymore, instead using it as a teacher for how to control my reactions in the day I am living.

Tomorrow is not promised. All that exists is the here and now. I am finding peace of mind by embracing that instead of thinking about a future that may never come to pass.

Rejecting Negativity

Our minds have a way of hyper-focusing on negativity. It's a survival instinct that must be overridden. When I find myself stressed, I become aware of negative thoughts cycling through my head. These then cause more stress, and more negative thoughts — an unfortunate snowball effect.

I'm learning to reject our inherently human negativity bias. It's not easy, and I'm not perfect, but I'm getting better at it. I accomplish this through logic and grounding.

Negative thoughts and feelings are emotion-based, and as such, logic has a calming effect. If I have swirling negative thoughts, I think about the advice that I would give to a friend if I were helping them through it. This separates me from the emotions. It allows space for logic to really “land”.

But the other part of this is to be in a place where the logic can stick, and I do that by grounding myself with mindfulness techniques. Simply closing my eyes and focusing on my breath forces me into the present moment and out of my emotions.

Evolution, Not a Destination

I'm evolving in my journey to achieve a silent mind and inner peace. There will never be a time when I feel that I've obtained it because evolution doesn't have an end, because that's not the goal of evolution.

Evolution is about adaptation to the environment. My environment will change over the years, and I'll continue to evolve to not only survive, but to ultimately thrive in the place where I exist, at that moment.

#mindfulness

Trips to Connecticut and Michigan

November 22, 2024

It's November, so that means it's travel season.

Every November, Lorena and I begin our rounds visiting family. Typically, we make an annual trip at this time to Connecticut to either celebrate some birthdays or Thanksgiving. This year, we are going for some birthdays for a week.

There were a handful of visitors, so we stayed in a hotel in Norwalk, which was only 10 minutes or so from everyone. We celebrated our nephew's birthday, as well as the birthday of Lorena's youngest sister. As usual, we had some good laughs and made memories. There is comfort in tradition, and for about five years now, this has been a regular part of our lives.

After that visit, we flew directly to Michigan to stay with my parents and to see our other two nephews. My brother and his family drove in from Illinois, which gave us an opportunity to all be together (similar to when we visited them over the summer and my parents joined us).

Unfortunately, my brother could only stay for the weekend. Lorena and I spent more time with my parents (celebrating my dad's birthday), and then made a point to see some of my best friends, including one who just recently had a baby last month. That was really fun — we are very happy for them.

Thanksgiving this year will look different. Even though we're still trying to sell the house, we are moving to our new one in December. So, this year for Thanksgiving, we are going to be preparing for the big move. It'll be a lot of work, but it's exciting!

#personal

WordPress Flocks to Bluesky

November 21, 2024

Large portions of the WordPress Twitter community are migrating over to Bluesky.

In the past week, the WordPress community has been joining the growing “X-Odus” of users leaving X/Twitter, finding a new digital home on the emerging social platform Bluesky.

As Bluesky's growth accelerates, WordPress professionals are leveraging community-curated “Starter Packs” – curated lists of WordPress developers, designers, and community leaders that users can follow with a single click. These packs are rapidly accelerating the rebuild of professional networks that took years to cultivate on X.

A Welcomed Change

The migration appears to be driven by more than just X fatigue. Bluesky's decentralized structure, customizable algorithms, and ad-free environment are resonating with the WordPress community's open-source values.

The platform also offers the ability to fine-tune feed content and moderation settings. This, combined with high follow-back rates among WordPress professionals, is fostering stronger engagement than they've seen in recent years on other platforms.

As more of the community makes the switch, these WordPress Starter Packs are becoming valuable resources for maintaining professional connections, and they are helpful for finding folks with similar interests.

One, or Both?

Does this mean X/Twitter is no longer relevant? No, of course not.

As of today, there is still a very strong WordPress community on Twitter, and that probably isn't going to change anytime soon. Many people, myself included, are posting on both platforms.

That said, I'm more active on Bluesky than Twitter now. I'll continue to maintain my Twitter account for the time being and will assess how things play out over time. I may shut down Twitter altogether.

If you're timid about getting started, don't be! It's easy to build up a network, and you can always follow me, and I’ll gladly follow you back! 🦋

#WordPress

Democrats Lost Their Way

November 15, 2024

Democrats were trounced in this election, and we only have ourselves to blame.

I have taken some time to step away from my political involvement. It's not that I don't care about what's going on, but for my own mental health, I needed a break.

The reelection of Trump as President was a hard pill to swallow. I accept the result, of course (I'm not a conspiracy theorist), but I am in shock that it is even a result that I have to accept.

And that, I believe, is part of the problem.

This election taught me something valuable about myself: I am part of that group that is apparently out of touch with American sentiment. The ideals championed by the Democratic Party were not strong enough to invigorate the electorate. At least not like before.

Back to Our Roots

There are times when I feel like the election still hasn’t sunk in. It really feels like I'm living some kind of inevitable, terrible dream.

But that sinking feeling aside, what I do know is that the Dems really messed up in this election, and losing the popular vote was just additional damning evidence that our messaging is not landing, nor energizing, the base.

We need to get back to core liberalism:

Bolstering the middle class
Promoting living wage policies
Championing universal healthcare as a right
Fighting for women’s rights and gender equality
Supporting labor unions
Pushing for gun control
Making education affordable and free
Protecting the environment

Frankly, we spent too much time calling MAGA supporters “idiots” (or, implying they are) but then failed to make the case for why the world is better with Dems in charge. We didn't explain exactly why, in detail, life would be better in America with a Democrat in the White House versus a MAGA Republican.

Republican Marketing is Effective

On the other hand, Trump made his case for why life would be better with him in charge, and the Republicans were far better at marketing that message. Their marketing machine resonated and gave people a reason to vote for something as opposed to just against someone. Voting for something brings out the base to vote.

Trump's message and MAGA are both here to stay, the Republican Party has voted for this same guy three times now! It's time for Democrats to understand that, and take it seriously. It's time we accept this, and that the Republican Party of Reagan is dead. It's a new beast.

Prepare (and Wait)

There isn't much to do right now other than prepare, and wait. The country has spoken: they want Trump's policies.

But we won't be rolling over, that much I do know.

Trump and friends will hit roadblocks at every turn. I'm fortunate to live in California because I know Trump will have a hard time making any real progress here with his policies. Lawsuits are incoming. That should slow things up quite a bit for his second and final term.

While this is happening, the Democrats need to rediscover a more universal identity that the electorate can get excited about. Is it more to the left? Is it more centrist? I’m honestly not sure, but we need to figure it out soon, and market it effectively, so that a strong message can be sent at midterms.

#politics

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Never Justify Your Time

November 12, 2024

Find happiness in knowing that your time requires no justification.

One of the more freeing realities that I've learned to accept in my life is that I owe nobody an explanation for how I use my time. It wasn't always this way for me, and I suspect that many of you still feel guilty when you choose to spend your time doing something for yourself instead of for someone else.

I think the whole notion of justifying our time comes from childhood. Growing up, we often had to explain our actions to our parents. Why we were doing something other than our homework, as one example. This can easily carry into young adulthood in the event that your parents helped you financially in the early years.

The point is, it's an ingrained behavior, so when we choose to spend our time at the “expense” of someone else, we feel guilty. We feel like we need to present a valid explanation for our choice.

You Owe Nobody an Explanation

The reality is, you don't owe anyone an explanation. If you'd like, you can tell them that you have chosen to do something else, but even that isn't really needed (though, it could be seen as polite).

If you want to stay at home instead of joining the family reunion, then do that if it's what you want. If you feel that is what is best for you, then to hell with the objection or opinions of anyone else.

Time is finite, and its value can't be measured. Spend it wisely, and spend it the way you want to spend it. It's yours, and never let anyone make you feel guilty about using it the way that you want to.

#happiness

Control and Trust

November 2, 2024

Let go of the idea of being in control, and trust that all will be okay.

Trusting a process is hard to do because it often means that you have to give up control, but in reality, it means giving up perceived control. The truth is that we aren't in control of much. When we feel like we are, we are more at ease, but I am beginning to learn that the opposite is true: we are never in control.

When we let go of control, we can finally rest. The mind has to work hard to pretend to be in control. It thinks through all possible scenarios over and over, then determines what your reaction should be to all these scenarios, and then how you should feel about them. Real feelings. Fake events.

Instead, I think it's better to:

Trust in your instincts.
Trust in the uncontrollable.
Trust in your future self's ability.

The human ego is so enormous that we think we can not only control potential outcomes, but that we can also predict the future. I've been reflecting on this lately, and in doing so, I have come to realize that quieting my mind is not a matter of making sure everything is “under control”, but instead it's about stopping an inherent desire to control everything.

Making this mindset shift is incredibly difficult, but necessary if you want to realize a true inner calm in your daily life. I implore you to surrender yourself to the unknown, and to also trust in yourself. Invite peace into your life — you're the only one who can give yourself permission.

#mindfulness

4th Stripe

October 26, 2024

It has taken longer than expected, but I finally earned my fourth stripe in BJJ.

In April 2023, I decided to take up Gracie Jiu-jitsu. Well, a year and a half later, I have finally earned my fourth stripe as a White Belt. Not that I consider myself good. In fact, quite the opposite: I think I'm pretty terrible.

But, I'm better than anyone with no training... so I guess there's that!

The journey has been a long one to this point. I've seen people start after me, and advance quicker than me. However, many (if not most) of these people have also already quit. This is a hobby of determination and consistency. Like learning Spanish, I'm in this for the long run — making incremental improvements along the way.

Slow and Steady

My path has been full of doubt, injuries, taking breaks, starting over, and eventually coming back to my original gym. I spent significant time really coming to terms with the kind of experience I wanted to have with BJJ. I'm not getting any younger, and I realized that I needed to change the way I work out if I want to continue this into my later years.

I'm still a ways off from earning a Blue Belt, but hey, I'm a heck of a lot closer than I was a year ago. I'm grateful for that.

And well, this is the last achievement I'm likely to earn at my current gym as we are set to move to our new home in Culver City pretty soon.

#personal

Our Last Beach Day

October 23, 2024

My favorite place, one final time.

If there is one thing I have been grateful for during our time in San Clemente, it has been the proximity to the ocean. Spending an hour or so on the beach was never disruptive. It made it easy for us to just decide to go without much fuss. I also took multiple walks per week along the path that runs along the beach up to the San Clemente pier. I've always enjoyed the sounds and smells of the ocean.

The beach weather can be hit or miss in October. We've had a lot of fog as of late, and it has been quite chilly. But these last four or five days it has been beautiful. Perfect beach weather, in fact.

But yesterday was a beautiful day, so we decided to spend an hour or so in the sand. The sun was shining, and the water was cold (as is the case with the Pacific Ocean), but that didn't stop me from getting in. It occurred to me that it was also our last time going to the beach here in San Clemente.

By November, we'll have other things on our plate, especially since we are moving before the end of the year to Culver City. So it was good to get one last visit in before that happens. We'll still be close to the beach at our new place, but not less than a mile, like we are today.

All that said, I'm looking forward to going to the beaches around LA. Sure, they'll have a little more activity, but that's part of the fun.

#personal

The Right to Remain Silent

October 21, 2024

The often forgotten protection of the First Amendment can only help Automattic.

The very public battle between Matt Mullenweg (Automattic) and WP Engine won't be ending anytime soon. From pettiness to legal challenges, to extremely questionable actions – things have been getting very messy. And not for WP Engine, but for Matt.

Given the actions of Matt over the last few weeks, WP Engine has filed an injunction. Essentially, they are trying to shut him up (and stop his actions) because of the damage he is causing to their company. The law specifically provides them with this option, and while I'm far from a lawyer, it looks to have been used appropriately. We'll see how a judge rules on the matter.

An Attack on Free Speech?

In response to this action by WP Engine, Matt wrote a blog post on how his First Amendment right has been attacked.

I can understand this reaction, on some level. No one likes to be told to “stop talking”. The emotional response is often to cite it as a violation of the First Amendment. Now, if Matt really wanted to, he could keep doing what he has been doing, but I suspect his legal team has advised against it.

The First Amendment protects free expression from government censorship or retaliation, but what people often forget is that it also inherently includes the right to remain silent.

Staying silent is prudent, and it's often underutilized. People love to spout off, and they should if they should feel so inclined. However, the sound of silence can be deafening.

The ability to not be goaded into fiery online spats and to hold your word, and peace, close to the vest is a virtue that not many people have. Very few, in fact. And it becomes exceptionally difficult when you feel like you're being attacked, personally.

Protection From Yourself

Your right to remain silent can save your ass. There's the obvious example of refraining from answering questions from the police, but its protection goes beyond just that scenario.

If you're in an ugly lawsuit, as is the case here with Matt and WP Engine, then it also protects you from yourself. Specifically, it protects you from your emotions.

Emotions aren't rational, they are jaded by your own perception. When you act out of emotion, you're broadcasting a very personalized worldview, and that worldview may be wrong in the eyes of a jury. Especially if it's emotionally charged.

Exercising your right to remain silent is honorable. In fact, I'd argue that there are times when it is more powerful than speaking freely. Matt has indicated that he will be staying silent until the judge makes a ruling on the injunction.

I hope that he sees the value in exercising this right.

#WordPress

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Higher Self

October 18, 2024

Trying to calm my internal noise to live in the moment. I find that this is way easier said than done.

I'm working towards my higher self, but what that is, I don't know. What I do know is that to get there, I need to surrender and let go, but this is something I am still having difficulty doing.

I am trying to release myself from any burden of my past or present. To stop trying to control every scenario and “practice” through every possible outcome for the events happening in my life. I'm learning to surrender to the notion that I am actually not in control, nor do I need to be. And that is okay. That is freedom.

I know all of this in theory, but putting it into practice is a back and forth battle with my own psyche. At times, I'll get a glimpse of the lightness of letting go, but only a few hours later, I'm back into the swirl of my thinking.

Silence, Peace, and Freedom

This road to my higher self, whatever it is, is worth it — oh, but it's so hard. How do you let go of ego? Or of pride? How do I just accept what is, and feel lighter?

Life doesn't come with a manual, and there are about ten thousand ways to pursue happiness. Every creed and culture has its recommendation. What I am striving for, instead, is silence. Silence is peace, and peace is freedom.

A quiet mind is a virtue, and I don't have it. I'll be sitting and then, BAM, a new thought comes into my consciousness. Maybe it's positive, or perhaps negative, but it's outside my control. It's noise. I'm on a journey to calm this noise to essentially nothing. To just be, and to be okay.

Daily mindfulness is helping.

To achieve the silence, peace, and freedom, I'm trying guided daily mindfulness exercises from a YouTube channel. I typically do them around 7PM every night for about 10–15 minutes, depending on the video.

After these short sessions, my mind feels more at ease. I have a sense of calmness, and sometimes I get inspired. Like today, I was inspired to write this post.

Daily walks are helping, too (sometimes).

I also walk every day, sometimes twice a day, to get some fresh air and reflect. This gives me an opportunity to quiet my mind, but there are times when I also overthink or get lost in thought.

Rumination and catastrophic thinking can creep in during these alone times. It's human nature. I need to be more intentional with my walk. Centered, and exist in the present moment. I'll be practicing that.

Centered Self, Not Self-Centered

I'm working on being centered, because if I can be centered, I can better lean into my higher self.

A quiet mind, in the present moment, will make it possible to listen with a true intent. But I'm in the constant battle of finding the solutions to my life's daily questions. I'm self-centered instead of just centering myself.

It's a slight shift, but it's about thinking outwardly instead of inward. Most people tend to think inward, almost all the time, and almost always in hypotheticals. For instance, I try to predict the future, then predict my reactions to the future.

This isn't mindfulness. This is noise. I'm cutting through this noise the best that I can, but it can be difficult. I'm learning that the most important thing is to just be patient during this process. Patience, I'm finding, is a virtue that's difficult to live. Though, it's through this virtue that I find perspective, balance, and moments of being centered.

#mindfulness