Set yourself free by freeing yourself of expectations.

I've tried my hardest not to expect anything in life, because that's when I get hurt the most, or angry, or just let down. It has been something that I've been aware of, but I've failed to really practice it in my every day life the way that I should. Because you know what? It's hard. It's hard as hell.

It's not that I expect things of other people. I mean, I expect the basics like everyone does (to be treated with respect, for example). But I do expect things out of my life. Or, I expect something that will come to pass. And when that doesn't happen, it has a way of tanking me. This is especially true if I have a repeating expectation for my life.

Yet every notable philosopher says that the key to happiness is to let go of these expectations, especially if they are outside our control. The fact that their words live on through the ages likely means that they were onto something.

This short post is my reminder to practice acceptance first. Expectations put me into a land of hypotheticals. Acceptance forces me to be present, and that's the way I want to live my life. That's when I'm at my best.

#happiness

A simple quote that I really like.

Sometimes you come across a quote that really speaks to you. I think I saw this on social media, but wanted to publish here for future reference. It's a good reminder that we are not the result of what happens to us, but rather how we react to it.

"Healing doesn't mean that the damage never existed. It means that the damage no longer controls your life."

#happiness

Find happiness in knowing that your time requires no justification.

One of the more freeing realities that I've learned to accept in my life is that I owe nobody an explanation for how I use my time. It wasn't always this way for me, and I suspect that many of you still feel guilty when you choose to spend your time doing something for yourself instead of for someone else.

I think the whole notion of justifying our time comes from childhood. Growing up, we often had to explain our actions to our parents. Why we were doing something other than our homework, as one example. This can easily carry into young adulthood in the event that your parents helped you financially in the early years.

The point is, it's an ingrained behavior, so when we choose to spend our time at the “expense” of someone else, we feel guilty. We feel like we need to present a valid explanation for our choice.

You Owe Nobody an Explanation

The reality is, you don't owe anyone an explanation. If you'd like, you can tell them that you have chosen to do something else, but even that isn't really needed (though, it could be seen as polite).

If you want to stay at home instead of joining the family reunion, then do that if it's what you want. If you feel that is what is best for you, then to hell with the objection or opinions of anyone else.

Time is finite, and its value can't be measured. Spend it wisely, and spend it the way you want to spend it. It's yours, and never let anyone make you feel guilty about using it the way that you want to.

#happiness

Time isn’t lost, and since it’s not misplaced, “finding” it doesn’t make much sense. Yet, we hear all the time about people trying to “find time” to accomplish something.

It’s as if we like to pretend that the only problem is the time itself doesn’t exist, and we have to somehow stumble upon it in order to then, finally, get to the activity in question.

Personally, I think that this is a bullshit excuse.

Whenever anyone tells me that they have to “find the time” to do something, I know that they’ll never do it because they don’t want to do it. Plain and simple. When you want to do something, you do it. It’s action-based, not time-based.

You don’t need to accept the lies people tell you about why they won’t do something. They have their own priorities, and that’s fine. In business, or life, never wait on anyone to find time.

You can’t control the priorities of other people, but you can control your expectations of the people around you. Understanding this simple truth has helped me to alleviate a lot of unnecessary stress and negative emotions.

#happiness

How do you define life?

For me, life is just a series of transitions from one moment to another.

They define our character.

They teach us.

They get easier with experience.

Our reaction to those transitions often dictates if we are stressed or content.

We measure our lives with our transitions because they are what we look back on as our most defining moments.

Embrace your transitions.

Transitions are your life.

#happiness

Defining success in a modern world.

Let’s talk about “success”. We are all striving for it, but it's rarely talked about in a specific way.

Maybe that's because success is a hard thing to pinpoint. It can be defined an infinite number of ways. My version of success might not be your version.

I fully recognize this reality, but I also know that my opinions about success formed as a result of people sharing their perspectives on the matter.

Which brings me to The Success Manifesto.

This document is how I define success in my life (both professional and personal), and the proven way that I know of to obtain it. Happiness and wealth.

My goal is not for you to agree with everything, but to at least think critically about what is written here and to determine how (if at all) it applies to your views of success.

Success ≠ Money.

Money is what people often associate with success. However, what is actually desirable is not money itself, but the things that money affords you to do.

The things you can purchase, the places you can go, and the freedom to not worry about everyday expenses. These are the byproducts of money. Money is not the primary focus.

With very few exceptions, people who have money get it because of the byproduct of what they enjoy.

Bill Gates didn't set out to make millions. He had a burning desire to bring his vision of computing to life. Steve Jobs wasn't trying to build up his retirement fund, he had a burning desire to... beat Bill Gates. 😆

The point is that money is a poor long-term motivator. It can be incredibly motivating for a final push on a project or for getting something actually released, but it's not something anyone can hold for extended amounts of time as the only motivation for the actions they take in life.

Even people who claim that they are only in business to make a lot of money are lying. They get their joy out of the process, not the money itself.

Never in my life have I focused on money. I focus on happiness and the money follows. My happiness derives from owning my time. That is priceless.

Before being an entrepreneur full-time, I was a consultant at Accenture. I was told where to go and for how long. I was told that I had to work weekends. I was told that I couldn't leave the office before 7PM. Not only that, but I was told when I could and couldn't take vacation.

After about five years, this wore me down. I was not happy. I longed to be the master of my time. If I could own my time, I would be richer than the most powerful CEO because at the end of the day, I answered to no one.

When are You “Wealthy”?

I am a realist: money does matter.

So, when are you considered wealthy?

Some people want to reach a certain level of monetary wealth before they claim they will be happy.

In my early 20s, I used to think this way too. I would start to focus on how much money per month I would need to make to be happy. For some it's six-figures, others it's more.

I am reminded of a moment that I had with my dad when I was a teenager. We were driving back from a soccer game, and we were talking about a family friend who was really financially well-off (his family owns some car dealerships).

I remember asking my dad if he ever got jealous of friends who made more money. He calmly told me “no”, and further explained:

"No matter how much money you make, there will always be someone who makes more than you." - My Dad

Focusing on money is like building a house on sand. It's not stable and it's constantly changing. The more money you obtain, the more aware you become of how much money someone else has in comparison. This is a dangerous mindset.

When I sat down to think about what wealth meant to me, I tried to clearly define it in the context of dollars. Yes, I feel incredibly wealthy by owning my time, that's the most important currency for me. But money is essential, and it does open up opportunity.

I have never been one to associate lavish vacations or purchases with wealth. Sure, those things are cool and are status symbols, but that is not wealth to me. For me, true monetary wealth is being able to buy groceries and to have any health related procedure without looking at the bill.

If you consider the number of people in the world that have to carefully budget their food and health expenditures, then you start to see how truly wealthy you are if you can do those two things without having to worry.

Without your health, you have nothing. Your money is no good to you without it.

The Secret to Enjoying Wealth

You ever see someone who is super rich but seems unhappy all the time?

They take the tropical vacations and post them all over Facebook, buy the fancy new car, and live in a mansion — yet somehow they still don't seem content. They are chasing happiness.

Money solves many problems, but it doesn't settle an unsettled soul. Buying things provides temporary excitement, but can just as easily make someone keenly aware of those around them who “have more”.

I am reminded of what it is like learning a language. I have been studying Spanish weekly in a goal to become comfortably fluent.

The better I get at Spanish, the more I am aware of how much I do not know. There are so many words that I will probably never know in Spanish. It's easy to get complacent. I'll admit, I sometimes get jealous when I see another non-native Spanish speaker effortlessly use the language. In reality, I should be proud of where I am at in my language journey rather than comparing myself to others.

Focusing on the monetary aspects of wealth is similar. The more you make, the more you become aware of who around you makes more money. It's easy to become jealous. To want what they have.

And sadly, once you reach that level of monetary wealth, you'll be saying the same thing because there will always be someone making more money than you.

Here's the secret: if you're able to buy groceries and take care of any medical bill without any worries, then everything else you get is just icing on the cake! The vacations, the new car, and the nice home are unexpected bonuses. You live in a state of gratitude rather than jealousy. You can be at peace and happy.

This is how I focus on happiness instead of profits. It drives every decision that I make.

Of course, I am bias and believe that this Success Manifesto could be adopted by everyone, including you. It is liberating and puts into perspective what really matters.

At the very least, I hope that I have made you think critically about what success means to you. The real work comes in trying to achieve this kind of success.

#happiness

What is happiness to you?

How do you continue to have vigor for life?

What motivates you daily?

These are questions I have asked myself over the years, and when I think on the answer, I always come to the same conclusion:

Happiness is learning.

Vigor in life is when something I learn becomes useful.

Learning new things is what motivates me daily.

I believe that humans are not meant to be stagnant physically or mentally. If we aren't moving our bodies and minds, we shut down. The easiest way to prevent this is to always be learning.

This doesn't necessarily suggest that you need to learn something new. It can simply be learning an existing skill more deeply. For me, that would be learning to speak Spanish. I could study it my entire life and still never reach the same level as my English — but that doesn't mean I will stop trying!

I recently started a blog written only in Spanish as a way to practice writing and my vocabulary. It's a challenge, but I think I am up for it. I am aiming for a blog post per week on entrepreneurial related topics.

What are you learning?

#happiness

Since selling LearnDash, I have received countless messages of support and congratulations, all of which have further validated my decision that Liquid Web is the perfect new home for the LearnDash brand.

And as you would expect, I also have received a number of questions. Many people wanted to know why I sold in the first place.

Recently, I had a Twitter Spaces conversation with David Bisset from Post Status and Marieke van de Rakt (CEO at Yoast). We talked about a lot, but the main point was for us to explore reasons why WordPress companies are selling like crazy, and what this may mean for the greater WordPress market going forward.

While we did venture into a variety of different topics, the overarching theme seemed to be around why a business owner would choose to sell. I gave my thoughts during the call, but they were more general. I have had some time to think more on the topic, especially how it relates to my reasons for making the sale.

The motives for selling all start from the same place.

While the motives may vary from person-to-person on selling their business, the decision to sell the company in the first place is always the result of self reflection. It’s a moment where you assess your desires and measure those against where you spend the majority of your time (working).

This is the same process that people go through when switching jobs. Yes, there are outside motivators (money, more time, better title, etc.) but it starts with understanding personal desires given prevalent circumstances.

When I did this in 2020, I came to realize a few things which ultimately led me to sell:

• I was not passionate about WordPress or e-learning anymore.
• Managing the business burnt me out.
• I was feeling guilty about my lack of passion.

For me, it’s important to be passionate about what I am doing. When I have passion, I get excited. When I get excited, work doesn’t feel like work. I didn’t have passion, so everything seemed hard.

It was hard to deal with employee requests, it was hard to deal with upset customers, it was hard to deal with software development issues, it was hard to push forward with a timeline. When things feel hard for me, I become less creative. Creativity is why LearnDash has been able to compete so well across both the e-learning and WordPress verticals.

I thought perhaps I just needed to work less. So, I augmented my schedule and empowered other employees to do more, but after some time I still felt the same… worse perhaps.

That’s not to say I was depressed. I was bored, and tired. I was “punching in and punching out” every day. No drive, just getting tasks done. I knew what I should have been doing, but I just couldn’t anymore. I just didn’t care.

This lack of caring made me feel guilty. In my mind, I was letting everyone down, from my employees to my customers. The company deserved better and I knew it. The guilt was probably the hardest part of it all. I hate letting people down, and I was letting everyone down (at least in my mind).

To put it another way: LearnDash wasn’t living up to its full potential. It needed fresh ideas. It needed a new energy and I couldn’t bring it. A sale would infuse the company with exactly what it needed while taking care of both employees and customers.

I sold because it was in the best interest of everyone, including myself. I feel lighter now. I don’t have the guilt, and I am excited to take on new entrepreneurial projects in industries completely unrelated to e-learning and WordPress. I’m just as excited to see how the company takes off now that it has the backing of folks that are willing and eager to take it to the next level.

Exploring Twitter Spaces for personal use.

As an aside, this was my first Twitter Spaces experience. It was pretty cool!

I appreciate how it fosters a dialogue rather than a formal interview or podcast format. Actually, it makes me want to host these with some of my friends. We talk about business pretty regularly. I think having this in a public forum could be insightful for aspiring entrepreneurs.

If you’re on Twitter, then follow-me! This way you’ll be alerted when I'm having discussions on Twitter Spaces. These will be calm, informal conversations. Don’t expect fancy editing or audio. I suspect my friends and I will talk about what we always talk about: the success and (funny) failures of starting, growing, and selling a business.

#happiness

You're not required to like everyone, all the time.

It's okay not to like someone. No need to beat yourself up about it.

It is under very rare circumstances that I don’t like someone, so when it happens I often think that there is a problem with me rather than the other person.

At least that’s what I thought in my 20s.

I would even go out of my way to be around that person more in hopes that I would understand where I was at fault. Maybe there was something I was missing?

Perhaps you feel that way too. You meet someone and something just doesn't sit right with you, and you have a hard time pinpointing what it is exactly.

Now that I’m a little grayer, I’ve actually learned to trust my intuition. Some people I just don’t mesh with. It doesn’t mean I’m rude to them. I always show respect. I just choose to limit my interaction with them and spend my time with others.

They are not bad people. I just know very much who I am and where my personality, values, and life outlook may clash with someone else.

I like most people, but not everyone. And not everyone will like me. And that’s okay.

#happiness

How many times have you heard someone say that they would start a business, but just don’t have the time?

Or that they could get into better shape but simply don’t have time to exercise?

Or that they really want to hang out with you, but they have been super busy lately and just don’t have enough free time?

People who say things like this believe they are out of control of their circumstances. Life happens to them, and they just try to “stay afloat” with the obligations first and then when they have extra time (and only then) will they accomplish their “other” main goals.

I don't believe that for a second.

For starters, there is no such thing as “extra time”. There is time and then there is what we do in that time. Nothing more.

Logically speaking, we can only do something in the time we are awake. So, if you are in fact busy from the very moment you wake up to the very moment you sleep, then wake up an hour earlier every day. There ya go. Like magic, you have time to do that special project, to do that exercise routine, learn that new language, or whatever it is you want! 🙂

Of course, the more fundamental issue here is not the quantity of time, but the qualifying of it. People tend to think of their obligations first and then all the “other” stuff.

The thing is, we have a choice as to what we make our obligation. Life is full of choices. Even happiness is a choice.

If you have been wanting to start a new business but haven't yet, perhaps you should look at why you are choosing not to. Or if you want to lose 10 pounds but haven't yet, ask yourself why you haven't. The answer is never “because I don't have time”.

Perhaps you fear what others will think of you if you try to do something and you “fail”, or maybe you don’t have the confidence. Maybe you are confused where to start. Maybe you actually don’t want to start something, but it sounds like a cool thing to say to people.

Or, maybe you will start that special project. Only time will tell. 😉

#happiness