Higher Self
Trying to calm my internal noise to live in the moment. I find that this is way easier said than done.
I'm working towards my higher self, but what that is, I don't know. What I do know is that to get there, I need to surrender and let go, but this is something I am still having difficulty doing.
I am trying to release myself from any burden of my past or present. To stop trying to control every scenario and “practice” through every possible outcome for the events happening in my life. I'm learning to surrender to the notion that I am actually not in control, nor do I need to be. And that is okay. That is freedom.
I know all of this in theory, but putting it into practice is a back and forth battle with my own psyche. At times, I'll get a glimpse of the lightness of letting go, but only a few hours later, I'm back into the swirl of my thinking.
Silence, Peace, and Freedom
This road to my higher self, whatever it is, is worth it — oh, but it's so hard. How do you let go of ego? Or of pride? How do I just accept what is, and feel lighter?
Life doesn't come with a manual, and there are about ten thousand ways to pursue happiness. Every creed and culture has its recommendation. What I am striving for, instead, is silence. Silence is peace, and peace is freedom.
A quiet mind is a virtue, and I don't have it. I'll be sitting and then, BAM, a new thought comes into my consciousness. Maybe it's positive, or perhaps negative, but it's outside my control. It's noise. I'm on a journey to calm this noise to essentially nothing. To just be, and to be okay.
Daily mindfulness is helping.
To achieve the silence, peace, and freedom, I'm trying guided daily mindfulness exercises from a YouTube channel. I typically do them around 7PM every night for about 10–15 minutes, depending on the video.
After these short sessions, my mind feels more at ease. I have a sense of calmness, and sometimes I get inspired. Like today, I was inspired to write this post.
Daily walks are helping, too (sometimes).
I also walk every day, sometimes twice a day, to get some fresh air and reflect. This gives me an opportunity to quiet my mind, but there are times when I also overthink or get lost in thought.
Rumination and catastrophic thinking can creep in during these alone times. It's human nature. I need to be more intentional with my walk. Centered, and exist in the present moment. I'll be practicing that.
Centered Self, Not Self-Centered
I'm working on being centered, because if I can be centered, I can better lean into my higher self.
A quiet mind, in the present moment, will make it possible to listen with a true intent. But I'm in the constant battle of finding the solutions to my life's daily questions. I'm self-centered instead of just centering myself.
It's a slight shift, but it's about thinking outwardly instead of inward. Most people tend to think inward, almost all the time, and almost always in hypotheticals. For instance, I try to predict the future, then predict my reactions to the future.
This isn't mindfulness. This is noise. I'm cutting through this noise the best that I can, but it can be difficult. I'm learning that the most important thing is to just be patient during this process. Patience, I'm finding, is a virtue that's difficult to live. Though, it's through this virtue that I find perspective, balance, and moments of being centered.
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